PERSPECTIVE

Do you remember being so sure of something? The way you saw something was so deeply rooted in your mind of what you believed the way it was, you could and possibly would argue your stance. Then at some point something changed, you had more/new data, you ignored information, you had flawed data or a change of heart. So many of us stand firm in a belief and are not open to possibly someone else’s perspective. Many times perspective is based on ones experience and the data they collected and our perspective is based on ours. Many of us are not willing to change how we see things and I believe this currently reflects in what we see happening in todays society. But sometimes, just sometimes our perspective changes.

There is so much we could say about societies racial and gender injustices, sexuality prejudice, socioeconomic disparities and perspectives that create the current divide in this country and the world. All very good topics that need exploration and challenged to expand your perspective beyond your own understanding. However, my challenge is a far more personal and often fragile perspective. What is your perspective about you? Is it realistic? Is it fair? Is it harsh? Is it holding you back? Ask yourself – What is my perspective of me? Or how do I see myself? For many of us it’s a question we avoid.

The literary world and Hollywood has explored this crisis of belief about oneself for decades. Among some of my favorites are Scrooge, It’s a Wonderful Life, Bill Murray in Scrooged, a twist on the Dickens classic , Mathew Perry in 17 Again, Jennifer Garner 13 Going on 30, Simba in Lion King and probably my favorite The Incredible Family in The Incredibles. The main character or characters go through a crisis of belief about themselves. An event or series of events challenges the current perspective they have about themselves. In all these examples the main character has a flawed view of themselves. Personally, I have lived this.

For most of my life, my perspective of myself has been seriously flawed. For as long as I can remember, I have never felt ‘good enough’ and that I didn’t deserve something. Then nine years ago, a friend challenged me with these questions “Have you ever seen yourself the way God does?”, “Does God make junk?” , “Why don’t you deserve (fill in the blank)? No matter my perspective rebuttal – they were not having it – One of my biggest rebuttals was “You don’t know what I have done!” My friend challenged me read about King David.

David had great faith, wrote so many beautiful psalms, slayed Goliath yet in 2 Samuel 11 – we learn King David lusted after Bathsheba, sent for her and committed adultery. Bathsheba learns of her pregnancy and sends word to her King. When David learns of this – he then begins orchestrating the death of Bathsheba’s husband Uriah the Hittite. His perspective at that moment was he took what he wanted and eliminated what he felt was the issue and that was Uriah. And yes there were consequences for David’s sin. But his repentance was sincere and deep. God still forgave and did great things through him and his son Solomon. Jesus’ lineage is from the house of David. The events of David’s life helped change my perspective about what God wants for me, slowly but it changed.

It has taken the last nine years to recognize God sees me through the blood of His Son. Through salvation I am imperfectly perfect and you are or can be through a personal relationship with our Father. Seeing yourself the way God see us, significantly changes your perspective. That change lifts weight off of you figuratively and for me literally. The bible verse of the week is Psalms 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

The following scriptures are small glimpses of God’s grace and how wonderfully made we are and if we can just make that connection and have the confidence in who we are. If we could just ourselves the way God sees us, the emotional bagged starts dropping by the way side.

Weekly Reading Plan

The challenge this week is to stop the negative self talk. As you enter prayer time, focus on areas where you are challenged to believe you are worth that achievement.

Monday’s Scripture: Colossians 1:13– 14 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, (14) in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Is there something that God has forgiven you for but you haven’t let go of? Mediate on why this is. In your prayer time ask God to take this from you.

Tuesday’s Scripture: Ephesians 3:12 In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

Do you struggle to feel ‘free’ from past sins? Do you ever feel unworthy of God’s forgiveness? Today I challenge you to do something a little different – take a walk, no music, no podcast, no dogs, kids etc. Take a walk with God – talk to Him – Listen – ask Him to go to Him speak freely and have the confidence in Him that he will free you from what it is holding you back.

Wednesday’s Scripture: Psalms 139:13–14 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

You are wonderful – what you do is wonderful. Are you doubting that? Do one thing for someone else today. Don’t over plan it, be aware of your surroundings and what someone may need. A simple smile, hello or an errand ran. The best gift to ourselves and remembering who awesome God designed is to be is realized when helping others.

Thursday’s Scripture: 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Do you have a kryptonite? Is there an area that you continue to just doubt you are worth that? A job promotion, a ministry, a relationship? Work on turning it over to God . Ask him to change your perspective about yourself? Ask him to teach you to leave the baggage at the door and not to pick it up.

Friday’s Scripture: 1 Corinthians 2:3– 5 I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. (4) My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, (5) so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

God’s power formed a universe, His Words brought light into the world. Where do you need Spirit’s power? where is your faith resting on human wisdom. Today I challenge you to journal – what is that you have learned this week.

Weekend Scripture 2 Samuel 11: 1-27

(due to the length, the script has not be included – use link below)

https://www.biblica.com/bible/niv/2-samuel/11/

Last week I asked you some questions about your journey. Has your perspective changed regarding the journey or yourself? I remember the moment that my perspective changed about my self-worth. I was 330 lbs., my back and knees constantly hurt. I ran into that friend and she was looking amazing. I asked her what she had been doing cause I needed to do something. She shared with me the program and it was costly and meant I had to go to a medical facility (not surgery). I had every excuse in the book. She said to me – you’d find away to do anything for your kids, right? Then do this because you deserve it as much as they deserve anything. I remember thinking if my friend thought if I was worth it, why didn’t I. Add in the other friendly reminder – (“Have you ever seen yourself the way God does?”, “Does God make junk?” , “Why don’t you deserve (fill in the blank)? ) and the teaching through David – that day began the journey of self-worth for me.

My prayer for you this week is that you know that you are worthy of love, happiness and blessings beyond measure. Much of that journey begins with your perspective of you and your relationship with God. I wish you many blessings until our next blog. – GoodyearmamaKat

HOPE

Do you remember as December approached how full of HOPE you were? Like Ralphie in A Christmas Story, one of the most loved and quoted Christmas Classics, we hoped for our own version of the beloved BB gun, under the tree. You feverishly wrote letters to Santa, left hints – usually not so subtle ones in any form we could fathom our parents would understand how our lives would be enriched by that most awesome gift. You could hardly sleep from the adrenaline rushing through your body and you felt like you were bursting open with anticipation of hope for what seemed like an eternity till Christmas morning. Then the day is upon you and you begin frantically searching for the right package size and there it is and before you can tear once piece of the delicately wrapped gift, your cruel mother makes you open Aunt Clare’s package first.

If you were luckily enough to open your own version of the ‘Red Rider BB gun’ you were delighted beyond your parents understanding. However, if with the opening of the last gift with your name on it produced very lovely gifts but not your ‘BB gun’, disappointment filled you. Then you tried to make sense of was it because your parents didn’t get all your not so subtle hints or was the gift you hoped for out of Santa’s budget. This worldly Christmas type of dreaming hope is a fragile delicate balance of dreaming and receiving that one thing whether be it a Christmas gift, a dream job, a dreamboat significant other or whatever it was your heart and head could dream up – at some point hope can be lost of never getting that dream thing or status. Growing up I never realized there were two different types of hope – the worldly dreaming hope as described above and the biblically Godly Hope.

Biblically, when we speak of hope, it is taken from Hebrew word. In Hebrew the word Tikvah is more concrete, it means expectation. So when we use hope or tikvah we expect this to become a reality. I also find it interesting, that it means cord or rope and bind or wait for. These Hebrew meanings give us a greater sense that what we have an expectation for this to be a reality or that we will be rescued if we just hold on and we are not just dreaming. I love that it also gives us an expectation of being rescued in our times of dark, bleak situations that we do not see a way out – it tells us to hold to that rope (which sometimes, we are at the end of).

As I learned more about this difference, I thought of Abraham and Sarah. We begin learning of them in Genesis 12. There is a great deal of twists and yes, Sarah was his sister and they both were quite well into what we refer to their “golden years”. God promised they were to have a child. What Sarah longed for and even today many women, and men, (including my husband and myself) can relate to that ache of wanting and waiting for a child, you know hoping. And trust me it feels like a dream that will never come. Because Sarah was imperfectly perfect, she tried to take control for as much as she hoped (the biblical kind), she just couldn’t see God’s plan so she took matters into her own hands. She involved herself in God’s business to give Abraham an heir and like humans do, messed it all up. But she still longed to be a mother and God did bless her at 90 with Isaac. The amount of hope Abraham had and Sarah too, but couldn’t help but meddle in , shows us God’s timing and our hoping isn’t about just not getting a Christmas gift.

This week I am challenging you to think about hope and explore what journey you have been on or need to begin and where you are feeling or felt hope is/was lost – I can tell you, I felt lost many times but I am thankful I have never lost all hope – because my hope does rest in Jesus – The verse of the week I would ask you to reflect on is Jeremiah 29:11 ¹¹For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

The following verses are passages filled with Godly hope or tikvah. The intent of these daily scriptures is to give you a peppering of just how much hope there is for us – and provide some questions and challenges to begin understanding and planning the mission God has for you. May your week be filled with discovery and blessings – Amen

Monday Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 1:3 ³We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our LORD Jesus Christ.

What is that thing you have longed and hoped for – are there steps God is whispering or even shouting that you need to do to being you on that journey? What is keeping you from them? Are you willing to share that with someone to help move forward or keep you accountable? Do you have a God inspired plan? Take time out to mediate and decide what is keeping you from that first step.

Tuesday Scripture: Psalm 130:5-6 ⁵I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. ⁶I wait for the LORD more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Is your hope wavering for God’s plan to be reviled to you? Is waiting hard for you? What does his word say about hoping? Are you walking in the word? These are questions I failed to ask myself for years – Ask yourself are these expectations or are they a dream. Explore your answer and ask God to guide you and provide you peace about his plan.

Wednesday Scripture: Jeremiah 29:11 ¹¹For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Today’s verse is the verse of the week. Knowing what His plans for you is one of the hardest things for me personally. As you reflect on this verse and go into your pray time; search your heart and be still and listen for God’s plan for you. I challenge you to read this verse as your feet hit the floor each morning for the rest of the week and journal. What is that journey , what does it look like, where are you being lead? Listen to that inner voice – for me, I never realized while it’s my mothers voice I hear – It’s God speaking to me. I need constant reminders placed in my way and when I stopped and listened I knew (though my imperfect self questions)

Thursday Scripture: Ephesians 1:18 ¹⁸I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,

Do you know the riches that wait for you? The ultimate Hope is Him. Do you understand how much he loves and cares for you? Reflect and journal.

Friday Scripture: Hebrews 11:11-19 ¹¹And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise.

Do you meddle in God’s business? I surely struggle with this behavior. How do you wait? Are you constantly thinking that this will not happen? Are you making your plan or are you prayerfully making your God guided plan?

Weekend Scripture – Romans 8:24-29 ²⁴For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? ²⁵But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. ²⁶In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. ²⁸And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters

What is your purpose in the journey you are currently on? What are your expectations? Are you on the right journey? I hope you are at a point that you know the journey you need to be on. My journey to get here to this first devotional blog is over 12 years in the making and if I am completely honest it’s 52 years. But I am a little slow sometimes.

My tikvah for you is that you understand or begin to understand the journey you are on or need to be on; and that you are understand that earthly life is all about a number of little journeys that lead us to the greatest internal journey and that true tikvah is found in Jesus Christ our Lord. Blessings until our next blog meet. – GoodyearMamaKat

Health Really Does Matter – The Medical Do-over

Month 2 of my weight loss journey – Celebrating 25 years of marriage

The movie industry is finding a way to bring back old classics.  It is the prequel.  Oz is the story of how the man made his way behind the curtain. Stars Wars, the Hobbit, Star Trek and I am sure I could think of more all took on the how did they get there.  My last post was about the annual resolutions and my weight lost journey. So well you guess it this is the prequel to that journey.  What finally got me on the road?

Every year my company provides a program formerly known as Healthquest now called Health Matters.  The program gives us access to routine health checkups at work in about 20 minutes or less free of charge – no co-pay.  Height, weight, step test, BP, pulse, a few tests for free if you are of certain age and then a menu of blood work up to a certain cost all for free. Then additional tests for a nominal fee.  For years, I have participated and as a leader in the company, I have encouraged my employees to take part.

Nevertheless, two years ago, I did not.  I did not want to get on the scale in front of someone because I knew the scale would be heavier than the year before. And really, for the first time in the many many years I have been overweight (and now morbidly obese) I stopped believing I was healthy.  I do not know when or why, but I actually thought that 150+ pounds overweight I was still healthy. So what changed?  I really do not know what the actual trigger was but I do know that along with dumping of some personal emotional baggage and this program, it created the perfect storm.

In 2011 our executive management began a competition on the highest percentage of participation in the program, which included an on-line survey.  Our organization won.  And I could not celebrate; I was not a part of that win.  I remember sitting in the February leader meeting and feeling like a hypocrite.  “How could I celebrate and encourage my employees to participate when I didn’t myself!” Unless I changed, I could never encourage others that their health matters when mine did not even matter to me.

About a week after the meeting, I was invited to a tasting party.  Due to a comedy of errors on my part like showing up on the wrong day, I was not able to attend but my friend persisted.  She introduced me to an amazing organic lifestyle.  And I began my journey on March 15, 2012.  My first day without caffeine, processed foods, sugary drinks and reduced dairy products. It was also the day, my husband was rushed in for emergency surgery.  I remember badly wanting my Coke Zero (I had a 96 ounces daily habit)  and oh how I wanted some comfort food. Just like I imagine an addict of drugs or alcohol would want during a stressful situation. But I did not give in! I kept thinking now more than every My health matters.  When the doc came out, he said to me, “Your husband has to change the way he is eating or he won’t be so lucky next time!”  in that moment, I knew  as the mom I have influence over the entire family and their Health Matters!

Over time, I have been able to change the way the family eats and introduced more fruits and vegetables and the Isagenix supplements our entire family is a little healthier.  My two older children go to the gym with us and we take family walks so my six-year old can participate. However, we have a long way to go but are on the right road to the land of Oz.  And if you were wondering, yes I participated in Health Matters last year.  My weight was down from two years prior and for the first time ever I took the step test and was told I was normal. And Yes, our organization won the trophy again and I was a part of that!

Does your company have a program like this and do you use it?

New Beginnings – The Annual Do Overs

Forty-five percent of Americans each year make a New Years Resolution according to the Strategic Brain website citing the University of Scranton. Journal of Clinical Psychology article from 12/13/2012. The Top 10 Do-Over goals are ones we can all relate to;spend more time with the family, get organized, quite smoking, spend less save more and time and time again the number one resolution is to lose weight. Only eight percent are successful in achieving their resolution. So why do we continue doing it?

Human nature simply produces the desire for us to begin with a fresh slate. We call for a do-over and pretend what got us to the place we don’t like will simply disappear! 75% of us can keep our resolution for the first week and past six months 46% of can hang on. So why are the 8% successful. Most of the time they use the five steps of goal setting Make it specific. Make it realistic. Make it known. Make it measurable by time. Make it fun and rewarding. Many organizations use these steps to make their clients successful.

However, there is something deeper that one must reflect on. There is a core reason you are where you are. Sometimes, well most of the time, it may be a behavior or attribute that has seems to derail you. For me it’s consistency. In every area of my life I lack consistency. I have learned one of the reasons is simply my personality. I get bored quickly and move from one project to the next and then back again.

It became very apparent that consistency was my Achilles heal last year during my weight loss journey. I came out of the gate like gain busters! I followed my nutrition plan, actually found myself loving the gym and down 69 pounds in 6 months. Then, I became bored. I would sometimes follow, occasionally go to the gym and my weight loss slowed down only 11 pounds in next 4 months. I tried to blame other things but it came down to consistency issues.

Resolutions are great theories but difficult to execute. We cannot use that excuse to keep up from improving ourselves. We have to deal with the emotional baggage we all have, use the five steps to goal setting, pray, deal with our deficient or destructive behaviors and hold ourselves accountable. Here is to getting back on track. What keeps you from keeping your resolutions?

Scholarship, Leadership, Service and Character plus Citizenship

Very powerful words!  Adjectives and/or verbs that  demonstrate high achievement.  Words on February 7,  I heard to explain why my 12-year-old beauty was invite and inducted in National Jr. Honor Society.  After listening to the standards for Miss Mackinnie to be invited and learning through guest speakers the history of National Honor Society and NJHS, I wanted to know more.   So off to http://www.nhs.us/ to start my education.

In 1921 under the leadership of Principal Dr. Edward Rynearson of Pittsburg, PA the National Association of Secondary School Principals began forming chapters. And by 1930 grew to more than 1,000 chapters. Four main purposes have guided chapters of NHS from the beginning: “To create enthusiasm for scholarship, to stimulate a desire to render service, to promote leadership, and to develop character in the students of secondary schools.” (from the NHS Constitution) These purposes also translate into the criteria used for membership selection in each local chapter.  In 1929, the organization moved to include middle school and the National Junior Honor Society was formed to recognize middle schoolers in their second semester of 6th grade,  or any 7th or 8th grader for their efforts in the four areas.

The minimum GPA standards by the organization is a 3.0.  However, the local chapters set their own and can be higher.  Estrella Mountain Elementary School is 3.5 or higher.  A very lofty goal but EMES still boasts the highest number of members in our school district in addition, among the highest percentage of kids in junior high.  But more than the academics I am proud of my daughter’s character.  Though as a mother of pre-teen girl I can assure you, I question her’s often.  However, I know that how a child behaves when their parents are not around is the true test of  what a parent has tried to instill in their children.

Mackinnie’s ceremony had great words of wisdom.  The most thought-provoking was about seeking honor.  Seeking honor leads to self promotion, which can lead to tyranny, but seeking to serve to others is selfless.  The selfless acts of service provides building blocks of a strong character.  Strong character leads to stronger leadership which reflects in ones citizenship. 

I am still in awe of the organization and even more awe-struck that my daughter was invited to be a member.  Surely not because she is not capable or deserving, but that at such a young age she is genuinely excited to serve others.  In the generation of self and instant gratification my daughter is making plans to attend volunteer training for the new crisis pregnancy center coming to our neighboring city of Avondale.  This a project outside her NJHS chapter, is now looking to spread to others in our family including her newly adopted older sister.  She is already talking about our churches Thanksgiving Day breakfast for the community of Buckeye.  It’s heart warming to see a fire lit in your daughter.  A normally shy, publically quite girl now taking charge and organizing family volunteer days.  We can only imagine how far this beauty will go.

Another Year Gone By

It has been sometime since my last post, but work and motherhood has been shine on crazy! I can’t even believe 2011 is in the past and 2012 is on its way to being one twelfth over. As 2011 crept to an end, I became the mother of an adult. Well at least by the legal sense of the word. Talk about reflecting on the do-overs of parenthood.

The closer December 21 came the more I worried about sending my eldest child, my only son off to college and into the cold hard world. Will he figure “IT” out and be okay? Larry and I worry about the boy and the fact he isn’t focused. We were holding on our faith that Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” was written for our son, too. As I thought about the areas in which he appears deficient, I began listing what I wished I had done differently! So many things I listed that I would call for a ‘do-over’. I prayed he will be okay. But as always in God’s perfect timing, I began learning just how wonderful and big hearted a child we raised.  With that came the assurance of Drew’s future is just fine.

Just before Halloween, Drew approached his dad regarding a friend in trouble. A young girl fairly new to EFHS was having problems at home. Drew explained the family’s culture did not align with decision his young friend was making. Of course how many 16-year-old girls don’t butt heads with their parents would be a better question but we had to ask for more information; question after question and Dad’s list went on and on. After all the questions were answered, Drew looked at his dad and said the most adult thing I believe he has ever said to either of us. “Life is about relationships and helping a friend is far more important than what we do for a living. You raised me to take care of family and friends and to be selfless. I can’t not help her!” He asked if his dad would we consider helping her. And a few days later we welcomed a 16-year-old daughter into our home. (The details and that roller coaster are for another time).

My son is often called lazy, unfocused, unorganized and irresponsible. However, many of the same people who would label him with the negative adjectives would also say he is caring, loving, kind-hearted, thoughtful, loyal, empathic and an awesome big brother. If you know anything about true colors test, you will recognize the words people use to describe Drew make up the personality of a blue. A caretaker, optimistic, passionate, a true blue friend are descriptors experts use to illustrate a blue personality. My son may have difficulty with task and results, but I am confident people are his thing. And bringing Iqra to a safe place to live demonstrated they aren’t just words but they are who our son is.

So I have to ask myself would I do anything over. If I could change him having cancer, would I? Honestly, I don’t know the answer to either question if given that opportunity. I am a strong believer everything that happens in your life even though we have free will to make choices, is ultimately designed by God to make you uniquely you. In spite of parenting mistakes, God has used everything even the mistakes to grow Drew to be this wonderful young man! From the time he was little, Larry and I have been confident that God gave him the gift of teaching. He has been teaching us for 18 years!

As another year has gone by, I realized Drew was born a fighter. Surviving the loss of his twin, a stage 3 neuroblastoma cancer, chemotherapy, being hearing impaired, and bullied. I know God’s plan for him is HUGE!

http://seg.sharethis.com/getSegment.php?purl=http%3A%2F%2Fgoodyearmamakat.wordpress.com%2Fwp-admin%2Fpost.php%3Fpost%3D90%26action%3Dedit&jsref=&rnd=1327984140434

Extreme Couponing

Last Sunday, I had the pleasure of welcoming home my favorite little neighbor boy, who has grown up and is fighting to keep you and me free. During the evening his Minnie, which is his grandmother, but we dare not implicate she is old enough to be one, let alone a great-grandmother; reminded me that before all extreme couponing was the thing to do, my mom was a pro at it. Boy that is the truth. Mama was a stay home mother that could stretch a dollar till it cried “Uncle”!

For as long as I can remember, Mama never paid full price for much. Who knew she would be a trendsetter for the families experiencing this prolonged recession. It is the “In-thing” to do evident by the number of articles found on the internet about coupons. If you search the word coupon on ask.com you will return a result of 22,500,000 hits.  Articles trying to give you advice on how to make your budget stretch, companies trying to have you sign up to their service for a fee or  wanting you to download their coupon to get you to buy their product flood the World Wide Web.

In the 1970’s,  you did not have the luxury of having the internet to assist you with finding the buys or telling you how to best use them.  So those that made it an art had to be a bit of a dective to find how to best use them.  The one the 1970’s had over today was coupons did not have expiration dates or limits. Many times, she would walk out the door of Alpha Beta and they paid her.  I remember  once they payed her $20.00 and they were “WOW how you do it?”  She said it is all about planning. She would smile and walk out having shopped for her family of 5 for two weeks and they paid her.  I am sure her motivation was to take the grocery money and move it to her “Mad Money”.  That was what she called her allowance to purchase fun things she wanted.

My mom with only a GED was smarter than many of the women that hold a degree and are half-century younger.  She understood the importance of planning, frugality and rewarding yourself for a job well done.  Today, so many times with the demands of work and family, these have gone by the way side, especially planning.  Many of us walk in the store and  aimlessly roam through the aisle with a deer in the headlight look.  Yes, I may be over generalizing but I do believe there is some truth in that for all of us.

My mother planned a back to school budget, presented to my dad –
then spent about half the budget by going to Goodwill, Value Village and
Salvation Army.  Then a few things from the department store.   Where did the remaining budget go – “Mad Money”, which usually was spent on at least one fun outing for the two us.  Brilliant, wasn’t she? Something I never  appreciated then but do now.

Until recently, I did not pick up these habits, but due to our financial commitment to assist others in our family – I have learned to plan and emulate my mother.  Buying the Sunday
paper at the $1 store for the coupons and spending time at Savers or Goodwill looking through the clothes finding a jackpot buy like “Justice Just for Girls Jeans” with the tags still on!  Love those treasures.  The planning can be a pain whether a trip for groceries or for a new article of clothing!  However, what is priceless is seeing your daughter at 11 get what took you nearly 42 years to get.

The greatest treasure is that somehow passing down Peggy’s legacy of planning, frugality, and learning to reward yourself to Macki fills the void of her never knowing her Grandma Peggy.  When I mention going shopping, Macki gets giddy and asks if we are going to Goodwill or Savers.  Rarely does she ask to go anywhere else.  I am pretty sure my mom would be proud.  Thanks Mom for still teaching me from heaven.

Motivation

Today, children and young adults seem to feel entitled to things.  By the time children are in elementary school they begin to expect a cell phone, a gaming system, a TV in their room, a car at 16 and of course the college of their choice.  Lately, my husband and I have been talking about the frustration of the kids not caring about meeting our expectations.  Yet  they act as if MOM and DAD equal ATM.   I am sure I had to be asked a couple of times to do things on occasion, but to be repeatedly told something like feed the dogs was not acceptable or tolerated from my father or mother.   The same could be said for my husband and his sisters.  Larry and I have talked about the respect we gave our parents without question.  Though we both had fathers that didn’t attend sporting events and put other priorities over family on a regular basis and respect was expected anyways.

Apparently, our children are not the only ones that seem to be lazy!  In the blog From the Trenches of Public Ed, Nov 17, 2006 post, the education blogger discusses lazy students and their need for instant gratification.  http://publiceducationdefender.blogspot.com/2006/11/why-are-some-kids-so-lazy_17.html  The teacher turned blogger points out that Booker T Washington walked many miles and slept under porches for the opportunity to go to school and Abraham Lincoln greatly valued books although he had no formal education. Something as a teacher they rarely see.  I would agree.  My children cry and whine about walking less than 1/3 of a mile to school.  I am happy to say all my children love to read but for enjoyment not for learning.

Our generations, including Larry and I and culture have made this a generation lacking in motivation.  Motivation is defined as the act of motivating; while the definition of motivating is provide an incentive; move to action.  Provide an incentive.  Really, I don’t recall being giving incentive to do what was expected of me.  While intellectually I knew the definition of motivation, I never associated the expectations as a kid to complete my chores with an incentive.  I had to really pull out my leadership skills to sort this out. Which I knew from multiple leadership trainings, everyone is motivated by a different incentive type.

I guess, Larry and I were motivated by not having consequences for not completing chores, since we both searched our memory bank to try to see if we were promised anything other than not getting ‘spanked’.  Nope, nothing promised and Yes, we were spanked which would be classified by today’s standards as a beating landing parents in jail for child abuse.  Maybe it was the sense of accomplishment when we looked around the house and saw a clean, cheery home.  I am not really sure.

I don’t know why my kids aren’t motivated by the sense of accomplishment. I don’t know why we have to have yelling matches to get the dogs fed or the dishes done.  I am not sure why they are afraid of hard work.  We provide consequences for lack of the behavior.  Currently, we are paying insurance on a car that is sitting in the garage and an XBox has been hidden.  And no desire to retrieve those privileges.  I truly know my children are pretty good kids.  I have friends that kids are in trouble at school, with the authorities and are constantly challenging their parents.   I know this, but having kids that aren’t intrinsically motivate is frustrating.

I ask the Lord for wisdom in rasing them yet I fail everyday.  I allow them to not follow through; I ask them  multiple times to begin a task and then allow them to take as long as they want to complete a task.  What I have learned through my prayers and tense discussions with my husband is the consistency in my behavior is the only thing I can truly control.  I need to ensure I set the expectations and hold them accountable.  I am the one that cannot take the easy way out; doing the chore for them or not addressing them. I am calling for a do over!  I will be holding them accountable and I will be consistent.  I need my children to respect my role as a parent.   Proverbs 22:6   Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.  Training them to work hard and do a job well, finding motivation in the sense of accomplishment is my #1 parenting do over!  I just hope it’s not too late.

A Not So Happy Anniversary

Today was full hectic activities. I woke up this morning dreading the day.  18 years ago today was the day my father called me to tell me my mom, Peggy, lost her battle with cancer.   She had only been ‘officially’ diagnosed exactly two-weeks earlier.  I was 24 years old,  six and half-months pregnant with my son and complete scared to death.  Just a two months earlier, my mom was with me in the doctor’s office holding my hand as I lost Drew’s twin.  Now, I had lost her.   I really can’t say I think about her everyday and time has healed some of the pain.  But I do miss her dearly especially on a day like today, the dread anniversary.

Busy activities kept me busy through my work day.  However, tonight has been flooded with memories.  I just returned from my next to the last meet the teacher night with Drew.  As we walked from class to class, I wondered; What would she think of her youngest grandson being a senior?; Would she be disappointed I did not ground him in our faith better?; Would she be annoying and tell me everything I should or shouldn’t be doing?  Questions that have no answers.  As I watched my son occasionally roll his eyes or get a little frustrated with me, I remembered me how annoyed I was with my mom all the time in those high school year.  I hate to admit I was pretty unpleasant to my mom.  She wasn’t cool or at least I didn’t think so.  Her sole purpose, so I thought, was to embarrass me.  Would you believe she showed up to school sometimes with her hair in curlers, but even I have to admit always with a fashionable scarf on.  Before I could drive, she  occasionally drove me to school in her house coat, slippers and yes, the curlers.   I wasn’t allowed to date or even attend a dance until I was nearly 16 years old.  Make-up was out of the question until my freshman year.  And I had to beg her to let me shave in junior high!  I really needed to shave badly!  Luckily, I was a blonde. Totally uncool!  Oh and I forgot to mention the polyester pants!  We lovingly referred to them as Peggy Pants!

If I could call for a do-ever, I would have appreciated Mama’s wisdom more than I did. I never saw her as a strong women, but I do now.  She raised me, didn’t she?  She’d have to be.  I would have paid closer attention to her when she was making “Big” Grandma’s fried chicken recipe (that is what we called my Grandma Dobratz).  I did luck out and paid close enough attention to learn to make her cornbread dressing and dumplings, but her fried chicken.  So many things I wish I would have taken a little more time to appreciate about my mom.

Funny the things that drove me nuts the most are the things that I remember most. Like the curlers, the color of them, how she parted each section and the smell of dippty-do.  That smell takes me instantly back to the hallway outside the bathroom (six of us shared one bathroom, BTW),  having to copy Bible verses as punishment or her little sayings like “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should” or “Just because it’s the right thing to do, doesn’t make it the easy thing to do.”  I would have spent more time with her and most of all let her know who incredibly grateful I am to be her daughter.

Do me a favor, call, write, text or e-mail your mom and tell her how much you appreciate her before you experience the Not So Happy Anniversary

do overs

Do Overs

Do you remember when you were little calling for a do over? For the most part your friends did not get too bent out of shape when you did. You could have struck out so bad man’s best friend would have denied knowing you but a call for a do over was a quick fix to save your dignity.

What age were we when we stopped calling for do overs? Was it our parents that demanded we grow up & stop making excuses to correct our messed up attempt at something. Or was it as we grew up our friends stopped accepting our cry for do overs. The reason is unbeknownst to me but I believe a yell for a do over used wisely would bring so much peace to our lives.
As I am approaching 43, I am taking back my right to call for a do over. Share my journey with me as learn to decernwhen to call the audible do over & when the journey
needs to be rough & painful. What would you call a do over for?